Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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