im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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