My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize