I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
