"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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