just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
