Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
whose parrot is this?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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