saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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