So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
