yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
