Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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