I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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