Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
