Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
