i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
