the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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