you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
