I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
