When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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