you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
