Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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