I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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