she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
