I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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