every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
