Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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