I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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