Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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