you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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