I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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