I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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