I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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