Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sarcasm needs its own font
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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