sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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