The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
