my vag is so smooth its legendary
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
