I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
