Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
