shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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