Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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