am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
