I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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