Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
