Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
