Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
