Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
