Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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