Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
