I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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