I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
