cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize