My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
