she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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