i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
