No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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