omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
