I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
