i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
