Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
