she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
