She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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