glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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