with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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