Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
