I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sobbing to NWA
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
