Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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