that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
